To Mentor or Not to Mentor?

Some people inspire & change us in a great way... And make us see the potential to who we want to strive to be. I've never looked at having a mentor before - or really could see the need for them. But when I had a friend around last night & she was talking about how the CEO of her company was going to become her mentor (if she could ask) that she thought it would be a great way for her to grow. 

Today I had lunch with my current boss & my previous boss. And I was sitting at the table looking at both these woman & it was very clear. Like a puzzle fitting all together. When I originally joined the company that I'm working with at the moment - the person hiring me I clicked with extremely well... We got along fantastic - i felt she was a calming person - reasonable & one of the most level headed people I've ever met. Her personality and working style worked extremely well with me - and I thrived in my job. My new boss is very different to this - and I see that I'm not enjoying the role that I once had... I'm guessing because I did look at my previous boss as a mentor. And my new I dont see as a mentor what so ever. Which makes leaving my job at the end of the year a hell of a lot easier. 

I've never seen the need for a mentor - I guess I've never been with a company that has ever pushed for it. BUt after talking to my friend last night and seeing how her company is very employee focused & how they are wanting their workers to thrive within the company; its a lot different to the ones that I have worked for. 

I can see the benefit with a mentor & someone that you respect & someone that is willing to teach you things. I see the benefit of having someone take you under their wing and that are wanting to improve a business. I have no doubt that the pressure is still there for those people - and its a high pressured environment. 

I wish that I worked longer with my previous boss - I learnt a lot about myself & a lot about the job that I want. But the funny thing about people you respect is that they stay in your life even when you don't necessarily work together. I catch up with my previous boss a lot - coffee or lunch - email or phone calls. I think its nice - and I hope that I can be the same for someone else one day. 

J

Going back to your past isn't always the best way of going forward...

On some of my rounds of looking for that second job yesterday - it turned out that I went back to my old local pub & tried to see if their was more work there... As it turned out I knew one of the girls behind the bar & one of the girls that was in the kitchen. Both had the same comment "haven't seen you around in a while" - which is very true... Life goes on & people move onto different things. But I went back because I knew it was a great pub at the time - and I enjoyed working there... Not as intimidating I guess then working around other places. So going in for me was a big step because I found that I don't go in there hardly ever - and I don't catch up with many people that I used to work with from there... It was a very different part of my life. But I gave it a shot when I was doing my CV drop. 

I actually felt a little stupid going in there... I was looked at up and down. And even though I gave them my CV I do know that they have no intention of calling me into work. Shame really... But I guess that puts me back to square one where I need to go and find a different place. Another place for my second job. 

I look at myself and think I'm a creature of habit. Even thought I don't really catch up with anyone that works there currently. I felt more comfortable going back to something I used to know then something I'm unsure about that could be new. And that goes for not only when I was looking at wanting to be hired back there... But this goes across the board with a lot of the things that I seem to be doing. Relationship wise - I usually hold onto my ex's like I have nothing else; all because I'm scared of what's new.. Or what the other possibilities could be. Branching out is scary. Trying new things some times I find can be scary. But I'm looking now & thinking that if I keep looking to the past then the future I'm not going to have much of a future... And life isnt going to be nearly as exciting as I want it to be. 

Very rarely do I ever look into the future. Well I look maybe a year ahead. Anything more then that I get a little scary because I change my mind all the time. And I can't picture how I'm going to get my life together in the next how ever many years. I look at me now & I've been living here in Sydney over 5 years. It was only supposed to be for a few months while I got my feet back on track... But ended up really enjoying it. And not only was I enjoying it - but now looking at things... Life hasn't really changed much over the last 5 years. Yes I've changed jobs, found some great friends, and I've done a lot of growing. But personally I think I'm done with Sydney for the time being. I'm over this phase in my life... Very over this phase! So if I don't look to the future, if I don't focus on getting another job, if I don't focus on what could be infront of me - I feel like I'm going to sink & Sydney may just swallow me whole. I can't handle the thought of standing still any more. Its too boring! 

J

Hunting for the 2nd Job...

You read correctly - I'm looking for a second job today. I'm doing the CV drop - and going to kick start that bank balance to increase. I think if I see the $$ going up then it will feel one extra step closer to getting to my end of year goal of my trip of a life time. 

With the economic crisis being the way it is it kinda freaks me the hell out. What's going to happen when I go over there... Will I be able to find a job? Will I be able to survive for as long as I want? The what if's are all up in the air... The what if's keep going around in my head all day long - over & over and over. It freaks me the hell out! 

I don't want to go over there and fail... But that thought is always at the back of my head. I'm going over with my closest friends. One of them is going over before the rest of us... The other is flying over at the same time as me. I don't think they have the same concerns as me. They don't have the what if's going on in their head... They have back up plans and people to fall back on. Me I have me... I have only myself to rely on - and its a hell scary thought. 

So today I go scout for job # 2... Wish me luck! 

J

My #1 Magazine - RollingStone

Every month I purchase RollingStone Magazine... Its a big must that I need for myself. I love music & I love reading on what musicians are doing... What's up & coming - and what I might just find. So as a result of me love love loving the music - its only natural that I purchase the magazine one the day of release. 

I think it would be my dream job if I could work for the magazine... I would love it if I was apart of the marketing team or the events! Imagine the perks. Imagine all the free music. It would be SO SO fantastic. It would be my dream - I personally think that's what I've been put on this earth for... 

Ok truth be told I don't think I've been put on this earth to work for RollingStone magazine. But it would be my dream job if I did work for it.... 

But in the mean time I live in a dream world & I purchase the magazine every month. It comes with me everywhere & I find it relaxing. And I do hold onto the dream that one day that I'm going to get my dream job - because I need to believe in my dreams. If I give up - then I'll have nothing to look forward to every morning... And my job will make me want to pull my hair out. 

Now in this months issue we have Brit on the front - and we have a full on article in their of her. I'm savoring this one. I haven't read it yet - I'm waiting for my flight next week when I have an hour and a half of nothing but music pumping & the anticipation of my friend waiting for me at the other end. 

J

Sydney - London

Hello mother England I say! I've never travelled abroad before - and actually didn't have a desire to really go to London as my first stop. But as it turned out with me planning more and more I'm really looking forward to heading there. 

I'm looking forward to the diverse culture - I think it would be on a larger scale to the one that I'm experiencing here in Sydney. But I'm looking forward to the extreme seasons, to seeing the tennis there, to being able to travel to all different countries so easily, for the growing I plan on doing, to watching rugby, to meeting new people, to relying on myself again, to starting over, to so many different things. 

So a girlfriend and I plan on going over later throughout the year... I've touched on this a few times already. I get edgy when traveling on a plane for longer then a couple of hours - so I this in itself it going to be a rather large accomplishment on my behalf... And one that I plan on getting through with copious amounts of Alcohol... Hopefully something to relax me, good books - magazines & of course my iPod & last but not least - my best friend. 

So while London was never my intention of ever being my first destination - I wonder how long I'll "set up shop" there... At this point I'm a little clouded on the rest of the details - I mean give me a break - it is only February. 

But France is the place that I can see me... A country where I don't know how to speak the language.. Where Fashion is first class... Where the men are arrogant & sexy. And where for some reason I could feel myself looking for the life adventure I've always been looking for. 

Watch out France... I'll be coming to play some time in the future! 

J 

Scary reality...

I've been looking into my overseas plans & budgeting... And the next months to come until I go are going to be tough. Money is going to be tight - and I'm now at the point where I'm going to be taking a second job. Yep you heard wrong... Something that I haven't actually done for a good 3 or so years. Its going to kill me. I'm going to find it exhausting - but hopefully the end result will be well worth it. 

I'm worried that I'm not going to have the money to go - or I'm worried that I'm going to have to wait just a little longer. There are just a lot of concerns about reaching this dream... And I think its because I actually don't want anything else in the world right now. 

I really should have done the overseas thing many many years ago. But honestly I wasn't ready - and I wasn't all that keen... I had always had boyfriends - and felt my life was with them. This is the first time in my life I'm actually unattached & as a result I don't have anything holding me back... Except my debt (which is going down). 

I have a budget & I have a goal & I'm prepared for a quiet lifestyle where I don't go and spend so much money. But the next step is actually getting the money to build on up.

The other scary thing about taking a second job is that one I'm going to be tired... Which I'll live through that. It won't be a problem. Second of all - I know what I'm like... My exercise routine will come as something that is second to me. I've worked so hard over the last 12 months to get back on track - and feel better then I have in years... I don't want to loose all that. So I'm not sure how I'm going to find the balance between work job 1, work job 2, gym & sleep. Plus actually seeing my friends. How can one other element which is supposed to be help - be the one thing that can take away all the other elements in my life. I guess its like if I had a boyfriend again really. 

31 weeks and counting... My fingers are crossed & I really really hope that that I'll be going overseas. I just want it so bad! 

J

25 things about me

Here are 25 things about me... If your interested in getting to know me! 

1 - I hate the fact of getting older 

2 - I'm tall... But wish I was a little shorter so I could wear all the nicer high heals

3 - I haven't had a boyfriend in over 12 months - and my last boyfriend was some what of a screw up in his own way that its made me really reserved & hesitant about meeting new men

4 - I love my own company

5 - I'm addicted to facebook

6 - I'm pale & wish that I had more colour... As a result I can't spend long amounts of time in the sun - in the Australian sun which is so harsh because I burn like no tomorrow... I wish I was a nice shade of Olive

7 - I'm secretly a nerd - and love the internet... and my computer. Though my friends don't really know this about me

8 - I log onto news websites before I open my emails at work

9 - I struggle to get out of bed every morning - and am usually 5-10 minutes late because I would prefer to sleep in then get out of bed

10 - I'm addicted to Coffee... A day can't go past where I don't have at least one. And its a rare occasion where I don't have at least 2 in a day

11 - I enjoy going to the gym - but find it hard to stay motivated

12 - I love my own company - and sometimes find it hard to let people in because of this

13 - I no longer enjoy my job

14 - I've never been overseas; but am planning on going at the end of the year

15 - I moved to Sydney before I had even been here before

16 - I'm very protective of my friends

17 - I day dream all the time - about how I want my life - how I want things to change - the perfect job - the perfect man... I day dream all the bloody time

18 - I always keep a book in my handbag... I hate the feeling of being bored; and a good book always gets me hooked

19 - I'm addicted to text messages; I love keeping in contact with people... And text messages and emails are a great way of doing this

20 - I want to get married one day... Even thought I very rarely admit this to people... The older I'm getting the more I want it

21 - I have a lot of self doubt & fight my demons all the time... Usually I think I win. But there are times when I don't think I'll ever win. I find it surprising most the time when I do

22 - I'm really sensitive & people always feel like they can walk all over me. Not so much any more will I allow it to happen... But I've always been sensitive & actually think its a good personality flaw that I have

23 - I get jealous - I hate the fact that I do... And always try my hardest not too.... But the little green monster creeps in some times

24 - I hate cooking... Even when I make a good meal and get lots of compliments from my friends; I still really don't ever enjoy doing it

25 - I love my music... Music is so soothing to me that I can't live without it. My iPod comes everywhere with me & is like my best friend. The more music I can get my hands on - really the happier I do become

J

Staying in & cooking on a Saturday night

This is a look at my evening tonight... A good friend of mine came over to hang out & for some reason I had a really motivated day that all I wanted to do was cook! This is a big rarity - I never want to cook. I never feel the need... And I don't find the pleasure in it. It used to be because I wasn't confident cooking for other people... But now its more to the fact that I just don't enjoy it. 

But as a special treat to my friend that I haven't seen in a while -I thought it would be a nice gesture to cook. And it worked out to be a huge success. 

This surprising me & my friend at the same time. 

So here are pictures of me preparing the chocolate pudding - and also the end product. 

And you know what - it tasted soooo good. And was the easiest thing I've ever made. 

J 

The holiday's booked

The holiday is booked... I'm heading on a girls weekend in a couple of weeks to visit an old school friend. She and I went through most of high school together & a couple of years of primary school. As it happened to be she and I weren't really all that good of friends while we were at school together... She bullied me and I ended up leaving the school because of her. But when meeting up again in senior school we ended up becoming friends again. And I was one of her brides maids in her wedding not too long ago. We don't live in the same state - and haven't for over 5 years now. But the funny thing is - the surprising thing is that she and I have kept in contact... And every time I go home we always catch up and have a ball. 

So this is the first time that she has moved away from her home town... And I'm going to go visit - and I really can't wait! The wine - the cheese and the late night giggling and girl time is something that I'm really looking forward too! It will be nice to get away from here - and we didn't get to catch up a lot over christmas. So this is actually just what I need at the moment. 

I guess its a little different for me - I moved away years ago. As I said over 5 years ago. And of course I go back for holidays... And of course you always tell family & friends I'll be back all the time. But it diminishes... Life really does go on - and we always get busy. Its nature. But what I do remember from when I first moved away... Other then meeting lots of new people - and a lot of them I now dont talk to. But I had friends come and visit me from home. You get lonely & its hard when your social life changes. But when old friends come into town its a fantastic experience... And that's what I want to give my friend. I know that she has her husband with her so its a little different... But this is her first weekend without him - and I thought that I would go visit & take advantage of the fact that I get her all to myself. Its going to be so much fun.

I'll post pictures of this holiday... Its my first time visiting Tassie & Im wanting to document a little devil. Fingers crossed we come across a little cridder! 

J 

The bigger picture

When looking at the bigger picture in life I'm always told to keep around the people that don't pull you down... Who are positive influences in your life & who you can always trust. But life is a funny thing and you have so many different aspects to fill that its not always possible to only have positive and up lifting people within your life. People change, you change, life shifts, different priorities become just different. The world is an ever changing place - and so is life. 

When I first joined the company that I work for at the moment - I loved it. Great people around me - not all of them... But the number of people that I liked working with out weighed the number of people I didn't like and I thought were negative. Now with the changes that the economy is throwing at us - people are going and I feel l've been left with more negative then positive people within the work place. Its a strange thing that I can't just get up and walk away and start off fresh... As it has turned out there isn't a lot of options out there for work at the moment & I've been forced to deal with the reality of "sucking it up". That is until something better comes along - then I can give them the bird and leave. Ok so I wouldn't give them the bird but I would leave if a better opportunity came knocking on my door... Or my shoulders! 

The "sucking it up" thing has proven to be a lot more difficult then firstly though. Getting back from the Christmas holiday break I thought being out of the office for 3 weeks would do me the world of good. Yet while it did me the world of good not to be in the office - going back wasn't any easier. It proved a hard task & something that I struggled with for a few weeks to be honest. 

While I know that I'm lucky to have a job - a job that pays my bills and lets me save. I'm not feeling the lucky side of things when I walk through those doors most days. I feel the nagging sensation that there is a knife in my back & its being twisted with each step that I happen to be taking. From the time I walk in to the time I leave - its friggen painful. That knife I can feel is going deeper and deeper in & I feel its making me scare and be a different person. But once again I have to suck it up until something else comes knocking at my door. 

Then there are the friends thing - we are told from an early age that we should befriend with the people that are honest with us - that are kind and that show a good heart. Friends change as well... Or maybe its you that changes and they change in a different direction. I've been faced with the reality over the last week that I would prefer to avoid one of my closest friends then see her at the moment. Its not that I hate her - or think that she is a horrible person. I think we have both changed. But the difference between this change and the change with work - I feel this one is worth fighting for. Yet I don't seem to actually know how. I understand that I have changed... And I understand that she has changed... Yet I don't know how to get back to the core of our friendship like it used to be. And that's what Im left here contemplating at the moment... Even though I don't think she is the most positive person in my life like she used to be - I know she's not doing it on purpose to hurt me... I actually don't think she know's that she's doing it at all! 

I know that she is usually a positive person and someone that knows me so well. I just really need to find my way back to my best friend & being the people that we used to be. Instead of being someone that happens to be shut off and have a brick wall around me. 

Life is a strange thing to me - and one that does surprise me on usually a daily basis. Or maybe its just my life and how I see I've changed that I feel is a strange and surprising thing. But for the first time in many many years I see a future that I want and a life that I want & nothing is stopping me to get in the way any more. Even if that mean's I have to suck it up at work and take it on the chin every day until I find something that isn't so bad. And also if that means fighting for my best friend even though she hasnt been lost - its just not the same. 

J

When 1 doesn't feel like the loneliest number

The saying has always been said that One is the Loneliest number... But some times one feels like he best number where life just seems to fit into place & everything makes a lot more sense. No games - and you actually always understand where your coming from. To me at the moment its when the numbers seem to grow past the one that things get confusing and I can't focus on what I do and don't want. 

I'm not saying that I'm always happy to be on my own... But at the moment for some strange reason I feel a lot "happier" then when I'm crowded with other people. I can usually go through spouts where I do and don't want people around me... But I think this is the longest period in time that I've actually just enjoyed being on my own. 

I've never struggled so much as I am right now in the fact that I don't feel like I can hold a proper conversation - or be myself. I usually have a strong personality - and at the moment it feels shadowed and not like me. So stepping back and being on my own feels like a nice balance. 

Work isn't too bad because I know I have to go.. Its a struggle in the mornings - but day's usually go pretty fast if I can distract myself. 

While I know that this isn't the most normal of behavior at the moment I'm just happy the way that things are... And I'm happy not letting other's in at the moment. Its not as crowded - and I don't feel ashamed of the way I am. 

J