Going back to your past isn't always the best way of going forward...

On some of my rounds of looking for that second job yesterday - it turned out that I went back to my old local pub & tried to see if their was more work there... As it turned out I knew one of the girls behind the bar & one of the girls that was in the kitchen. Both had the same comment "haven't seen you around in a while" - which is very true... Life goes on & people move onto different things. But I went back because I knew it was a great pub at the time - and I enjoyed working there... Not as intimidating I guess then working around other places. So going in for me was a big step because I found that I don't go in there hardly ever - and I don't catch up with many people that I used to work with from there... It was a very different part of my life. But I gave it a shot when I was doing my CV drop. 

I actually felt a little stupid going in there... I was looked at up and down. And even though I gave them my CV I do know that they have no intention of calling me into work. Shame really... But I guess that puts me back to square one where I need to go and find a different place. Another place for my second job. 

I look at myself and think I'm a creature of habit. Even thought I don't really catch up with anyone that works there currently. I felt more comfortable going back to something I used to know then something I'm unsure about that could be new. And that goes for not only when I was looking at wanting to be hired back there... But this goes across the board with a lot of the things that I seem to be doing. Relationship wise - I usually hold onto my ex's like I have nothing else; all because I'm scared of what's new.. Or what the other possibilities could be. Branching out is scary. Trying new things some times I find can be scary. But I'm looking now & thinking that if I keep looking to the past then the future I'm not going to have much of a future... And life isnt going to be nearly as exciting as I want it to be. 

Very rarely do I ever look into the future. Well I look maybe a year ahead. Anything more then that I get a little scary because I change my mind all the time. And I can't picture how I'm going to get my life together in the next how ever many years. I look at me now & I've been living here in Sydney over 5 years. It was only supposed to be for a few months while I got my feet back on track... But ended up really enjoying it. And not only was I enjoying it - but now looking at things... Life hasn't really changed much over the last 5 years. Yes I've changed jobs, found some great friends, and I've done a lot of growing. But personally I think I'm done with Sydney for the time being. I'm over this phase in my life... Very over this phase! So if I don't look to the future, if I don't focus on getting another job, if I don't focus on what could be infront of me - I feel like I'm going to sink & Sydney may just swallow me whole. I can't handle the thought of standing still any more. Its too boring! 

J