My how the tables have turned

Years ago when I was with my ex - he and I would go out for dinner every friday night. Actually most nights we would eat out - at beautiful restaurants.... Most that I couldn't afford - most that he couldn't afford. But I guess together we just made it work. Tonight I was at a restaurant with old family friends of my parents - one that my ex and I used to dine at rather a lot. And one that I can tell you that we spent each valentines day together. But while walking into this restaurant - I didn't think of him... or the life that we used to share... or the fact that I hadn't been back since we broke up. But all I thought about was how much I can't wait to start eating that great food that they have on offer. Yep I thought about my belly and not my ex. HA. 

It wasn't until about half way through my dinner that I did actually start thinking about my ex - and how different it is at this restaurant without him with me. But I wasn't missing him at all... I was just thinking back to a very different part of my life. A different me. 

I thought of my ex in a good light - and not in a way that I hate him - or I still love him. I just thought of him in a way that I knew him and I'm not sad that its over & I'm not wishing that we were still together or anything. I'm happy that that phase of my life is over - but I guess for the first time in I guess NEVER i felt nothing towards him... How does this creep up and start to begin? And why does it start happening? Its not like me for this to happen - I hold onto things - I never want to let go... Partly because I always think that I had it great and I'm the one that fucks things up... And partly because I hate change and I just can't let things go... EVER! 

It feels great to get rid of the past and start to move onto better things - to a future. I'm trying not to look back at the past - and wanting to be back there... I'm trying to look at the future & be hopeful. I haven't been hopeful in a long time. And I'm really pleased with myself that I am doing this... Trust me its a new leaf. And I can hardly believe it myself. 

Fingers crossed this outlook stays for a while & I don't fall back into old patterns. But while I'm thinking about it - I'm curious do other people hold onto the past? Or do people move on rather easily.. Is it stupid to keep looking back - or is it good to sometimes look behind. Some times I just cant figure it out... 

J